Humans are social beings. They cannot live in isolation. They need each other to fulfil their needs and express their thoughts and feelings. Hence, the absence of company is bound to cause distress to an individual. This is further true in a collectivistic country like India, that boasts of togetherness and a sense of group identity. However, it is quite ironic that although we as a society take so much interest in each other’s lives, yet we never talk of mental health adversities and emotions like loneliness, as prevalent as it may be.
Ratan Tata recently announced that he will be investing in a start-up called Goodfellows that aims at curbing loneliness among senior citizens as well as young people by connecting them with each other for companionship. It was this move that stirred media conversations and public attention to the concept of rising loneliness in India. It is unfortunate that we live in a world surrounded by so much taboo around such topics that it often takes either a well-known public figure addressing it, or hundreds of suicides to draw people’s attention to a mental health problem. Many would assume that in an overpopulated country like India, where a usual family sight includes an average of 4-7 family members, loneliness ceases to exist. However, this is far from true. Loneliness and alone are not interchangeable terms. Loneliness often has nothing to do with the number of people you are surrounded by. As Dr. Jacqueline Olds, author and psychiatrist at Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital says, “You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.”
Loneliness is not a situation, but rather, a state of mind that causes an intense feeling of vacancy. A lonely person might often find themselves feeling like they have no one that they can count on, no one that is really there for them, accompanied by feeling unheard, unwanted and invalidated.
Loneliness can be seen as a symptom for several psychological disorders like depression, anxiety and dissociative disorders, but pathological loneliness, which is a state of feeling a constant disconnect from others, is being considered a serious issue worth professional attention.
Loneliness has seen such a drastic rise in India, especially in the recent years, that Times of India calls it the ‘silent epidemic’. Loneliness in India is often believed to be associated with the elder generation, however, WHO states that 25% children in India between the age of 13 to 15 years of age tend to feel lonely. Moreover, according to an article by ‘The Hindu’ newspaper, Indian youngsters between the age of 20 to 30, are feeling more and more isolated with time. It is unfortunate, that in spite of the gravity of the situation, very less research exists on loneliness in India.
Like most other psychological states, there is no single cause of loneliness. However, there may be some factors contributing to the Indian loneliness. Although India has a collective society, we see a lot of taboo around vulnerability and sharing your true feelings. This only alleviates the loneliness as it reinforces the pushing of your feelings and emotions deeper instead of discussing them. So, although you might have lunch and dinner with your family every day, but not once can you talk about how a fight with your friend really hurt you, or how much your job is causing you emotional turmoil. The ‘hush hush’ culture in India about a never-ending list of topics creates a very lonely environment for most people, especially children and teenagers. Furthermore, the practice of bullying makes it even worse for children. According to research on loneliness among Indian youth by T. Pandit, changes in family structure and migration are two other strong forces aggravating the issue of loneliness in India. As joint families are starting to decline and nuclear families rising, especially in urban areas, isolation is the outcome, prominently among middle-aged Indians. Secondly, in a world that sees a drastic rise in migration, with individuals and families migrating across miles in search for better opportunities and lifestyles, they often end up leaving behind the life of comfort and close proximity to loved ones. Whether it may be a student migrating overseas in search of better education, or a family shifting due to job placement, people are prioritising professional advantages over emotional satisfaction, according to T. Pandit. The process of setting into a new place and lifestyle, and also very often a new culture, inevitably brings with it a grave sense of unfamiliarity and isolation. As for senior citizens, a paper on loneliness by S. Tiwar postulates possible reasons for loneliness to include: widowhood, increased dependency, and living alone.
Although all effects of loneliness are often disguised as general disorders, but research does prove that loneliness has a significant role to play in several neuro-endocrine changes and immunological impairment. Loneliness is also associated with an increased risk of coronary artery disease and cardio-vascular diseases. Mostly, the effects of loneliness begin to manifest through notable changes in sleep patterns, often sleep disruption, and immune responses. In psychological aspects, pathological loneliness has been linked to depression, anxiety, schizophrenia and dementia. It is interesting to note that loneliness can be both the cause and consequence for these disorders. Researchers’ world-over agree that loneliness generally causes an overall decline in one’s well-being. As once you lose connection with others, you lack the social support to go through life, and hence, healing and dealing with any problems becomes very difficult. A recent online article also talks about the increased cases of a concept called ‘hikikomori’, often caused due to extreme loneliness, where a person usually isolates themselves in the house for extraordinarily long periods of time, refusing to step out. According to the article, hikikomori is rising among the Indian youth, and can have adverse effects on one’s mental health.
Unfortunately, there is no concrete research on the cure to loneliness among the masses, however, psychologists and preachers fill the internet with personalised tips to get rid of this prolonged feeling of isolation. The worst way that often many rely on to cure loneliness is to surround themselves with lots of people, all the time. Although it may work as a good temporary distraction, it is never a good solution to fill all your empty time and space with company. In Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s words, “Loneliness is the time for you to be centred. Do not try to run away from it”. if it is emotional loneliness that you are experiencing, nothing works better than talking to your near and dear ones, expressing how you feel and asking for affection and support. There is nothing wrong in seeking support from your loved ones, rather, that is the very basis of relationships. Being present during your conversations with others, asking questions and sharing your own experiences and feelings more frequently, also help igniting the sense of connect you feel with someone.
When it comes to social loneliness, a great solution lies in learning to enjoy your own company. Though it’s easier said than done, the idea of a ‘solo-date’ as popularised by the media and generation-z culture, really does wonders in replacing your loneliness with solitude. However, needless to say, loneliness spans much more than just spending time alone, it craves meaningful human relations. Psychologists also recommend joining groups to find like-minded people, be it an activity club that you are interested in, or an animal shelter if you like animals. Besides, there are several online websites, apps and helplines such as the “The Goodfellows initiative” mentioned above and One more light, that provide a reliable and confidential space for you to express your feelings and seek support or companionship. Even if you just need someone to talk to, you will find a million ears ready for you.
As we, as a country deal with this ‘silent epidemic’, we must not forget to be kind to and present for everyone around us, because we never know who is feeling lonely in this crowded country. On the other hand, if you find yourself feeling lonely, know that you can fight this, and that we’re all here for you. Or as Taylor Swift would put it,
“You’re on your own kid, yeah, you can face this!”
References
Prasad, G. (2022, September 15). The silent epidemic: Loneliness. Times of India Blog. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/voices/the-silent-epidemic-loneliness/
Dasgupta, A. (2022). The Looming Pandemic Of Loneliness: ‘Hikikomori’ In India’s Youth. Youth Ki Awaaz. https://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2021/09/the-looming-pandemic-of-loneliness-and-hikikomori-in-indian-youth/
Ray, S. (2023, March 26). 3 ways to beat loneliness, according to Harvard. GQ India. https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/3-ways-to-beat-loneliness-according-to-harvard
Grover, S. (2019). Loneliness: Does it need attention! Journal of Geriatric Mental Health, 6(1), 1. https://doi.org/10.4103/jgmh.jgmh_27_19
Pandit, T. K. (2020). A review of loneliness in Indian youth. International Journal of Indian Psychȯlogy, 8(2). https://ijip.co.in/index.php/ijip/article/view/2136
Tiwari, S. C. (2013). Loneliness: A disease? Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 55(4), 320. https://doi.org/10.4103/0019-5545.120536
West, D. A., Kellner, R., & Moore-West, M. (1986). The effects of loneliness: a review of the literature. Comprehensive psychiatry, 27(4), 351-363. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0010440X86900118
